Dec 12th. 2021
>>> First a quick update on this page<<<
Back in Oct (2 months ago) I promised to write every day for 34 days till my 25th birthday. Well, I haven't quite lived up to that, and it’s okay.
But what I learned was the most important thing, It’s okay to fail, to promise yourself and fail to deliver, to not do exactly what you said you’d do. It’s okay to fall back, but it’s not okay to stay there.
So here I am here again.
P.S. The reason why I wasn’t able to deliver as I desired is that I got other obligations in my life, I started a new job, had 2 classes going at the same time while working on my side business “selling books”.
despite these apparent limitations I still struggled to forgive me to forgive myself for the promise I made here to my medium readers. Self-compassion is a long journey that I am just taking.
>>>The story <<<
Two months ago I started my current job, as a consultant. It’s everything I ever dreamed of and then some. Surrounded by wonderful people with great work culture, amazing pay, and very very captivating location in the city. This job makes me feel like I made it where I wanted to be. My goal for this chapter of my life is reached.
I was beyond excited and happy until it started to hit me. I feel lonely, I wake up at 6, go to work, work really hard, come back at 6 or 7 PM, watch some Netflix and roll out of bed the next morning.
How can it hit someone this fast, it’s only been 2 months and I feel burned out. I don’t know why nor do I understand what to do. No excitement for goals or energy to push me into doing what I don’t want to do.
The truth is, we are all humans, we long for human connections. No matter how strong we want ourselves to be, loneliness is very common and most importantly very normal.
Datings apps are not very helpful I’ll give the shortcut to that. It increases the void and maximizes the gap between people. You no longer see these people as fellow human beings but rather an infinity matrix that’ll keep on bringing more, so why bother making it work with any if many will shortly follow.
It’s an ongoing experiment for me, so my next goal is to meet people around me, say hi to strangers, reconnect with long lost friends, and try to reembrace family once again.
I wouldn’t be surprised at all if I came back with empty hands, didn’t find anyone at all, or found people but didn’t find joy.
A dear friend once said to me “the hard work for you is not putting in the time and energy” questioning what he meant he added, “the hard work for you is to stop looking escaping looking yourself in the mirror and deal with the emotions you have”.
He might be right …
He might be wrong …
But I’ll keep exploring until I regain my soul.
